Ananias and Sapphira

Once again the Lord amazes me. This morning he directs me to the book The Fear of the Lord by John Bevere to page 79 (I have not read the book yet) and to Galatians 2:20. The biggest thing I got out of the story is this. Do I give everything to the Lord or do I hold back and Lie. Do I make myself look good to man (Which is fear of man). This all goes back to how you conduct yourself when no one is around. Do you walk with integrity and honesty? Is your Fear of the Lord lacking in this area? I know for myself I lack in this area in places. These places are in my heart. After I read several pages of this chpt it made me realize once again that my Fear of the Lord is not where it should be. I mean …. If someone stood beside me and I knew they were lying to the Holy Spirit and then they were struck dead right before my eyes, would that be enough for me to change my ways? I don't think so…….. Maybe for a while. As I have seen for myself what the Lord has done in my life and in others. Why am I not in Awe? This is a place that I am seeking and this is one of the reasons I am fasting.

Acts 5:1-11
but a certain man named Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, sold a possession. And he kept back part of the proceeds, his wife also being aware of it, and brought a certain part and laid it at the apostles' feet. But Peter said, "Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit and keep back part of the price of the land for yourself? While it remained, was it not your own? And after it was sold, was it not in your own control? Why have you conceived this thing in your heart? You have not lied to men but to God." Then Ananias, hearing these words, fell down and breathed his last. So great fear came upon all those who heard these things. And the young men arose and wrapped him up, carried him out, and buried him. Now it was about three hours later when his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. And Peter answered her, "Tell me whether you sold the land for so much?" She said, "Yes, for so much." Then Peter said to her, "How is it that you have agreed together to test the Spirit of the Lord? Look, the feet of those who have buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out." Then immediately she fell down at his feet and breathed her last. And the young men came in and found her dead, and carrying her out, buried her by her husband. So great fear came upon all the church and upon all who heard these things.NKJV

As I am reading in Galatians, I does not even dawn on me that Galatians 2:20 which I have memorized fluently is in this chapter until I get to it. When I get there it leaps of the page at me. It becomes Rhema. Once again the Lord shows up, but why is that not enough for me to be in Awe? He kept my mind blank until I got to 2:20. Many times I read a chapter the first thing that goes through my mind is "Oh yeah I remeber that" Here is what I know, I am a son and I have been crucified. I like what the Message version says.

 

Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.NKJV

Galatians 2:20-21
I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that. Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God's grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily. The Message

Day three of my Fast

 

 

I have to admit, I am very hungry. I have been in the word off and on since 7:00 this morning and it is now 9:30 am. The weather is Nasty outside, but I like it. It has been good this morning. I sense a level of excitement about this time of fasting and prayer. Right now only two people now I am fasting. I am not sure who or if I will tell anyone. It is not about who knows it is about what is done in secret so the Lord will reward you in the open Matthew 6.18

One of the passages I read this morning that struck me was out of Psalm 66

Psalm 66:16-20
Come and hear, all you who fear God, And I will declare what He has done for my soul. I cried to Him with my mouth, And He was extolled with my tongue. If I regard iniquity in my heart, The Lord will not hear. But certainly God has heard me; He has attended to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, Who has not turned away my prayer, Nor His mercy from me! NKJV

Stay fessed up with the Lord! I walk in freedom because of this. Scripture says in 1 John 1:9
if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.NKJV

You are only as sick as your secrets

James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.NIV

This is where the Freedom comes from. Confessing not only to the Lord but also to your fellow brother.

Get it out in the open, into the light.

Just because you are saved doesn't mean you are free

 

 

Day Two of my Fast

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Right now I don't know how long the fast will be. I am looking forward to it. As I am spending time with the Lord this morning it becomes evident the Fear of the Lord is a reoccurring theme right now. I have been reading in the Beth Moore book "Praying God's Word" Very good book. The first chapter is about Idolatry. This is something that I have struggled with in the past. That Idolatry can come any many forms. Lust has been idolatry for me. Lust came come in many forms. Food, Women, money, work, affirmation from man anything that you put before God is Idolatry.

 

Isaiah 43:10-12
"You are My witnesses," says the Lord, "And My servant whom I have chosen, That you may know and believe Me, And understand that I am He. Before Me there was no God formed, Nor shall there be after Me. I, even I, am the Lord, and besides Me there is no savior. I have declared and saved, I have proclaimed, And there was no foreign god among you; Therefore you are My witnesses," Says the Lord, "that I am God.

Malachi 4:2
But to you who fear My name The Sun of Righteousness shall arise With healing in His wings; and you shall go out and grow fat like stall-fed calves.

Psalm 31:19
Oh, how great is Your goodness, Which You have laid up for those who fear You, Which You have prepared for those who trust in You In the presence of the sons of men! NKJV

 

So, what is my fast about? It is about hearing the Lord. Last year I fasted for forty days and it was incredible. I heard the Lord every day and walked in victory. Now I have back slided some what and have gotten back into so old eating habits and thought patterns. Things will change and I am looking forward to it.

 

Also at this time I have been reading "The Power of a Praying Husband" Great read ….. second time through. Highly recommend it. I try to pray for my wife everyday over her and for her especially for Her protection.

 

Be Blessed

Kevin

 

My Testimony

My Testimony

 My whole life is a testimony.  I started writing my testimony for the first time in the summer of 2002

I was born and raised in Amarillo, TX. I was raised in the Presbyterian Church to about the 9^th grade.  Basically, Church was crammed down my throat and my dad did not go to church.  I hated it with every fiber in my being.  I got picked on, beat up, and didn’t get taught about who this man was they called Jesus.  I remember he died on the cross for my sins, But what in the hell did that mean?   I can tell you this  … as soon as I was old enough t make it miserable for my mom when I went she quit making me go.   Went to school in Canyon Texas …. Jr High and high school

My journey started when I was around 5.  I just remember sitting in that bathroom at my dad’s friend’s house looking at the stack of Playboy’s.  My family and I would go over to their house every Friday or Sat. night for years.  I remember getting so excited about going over there because I knew I would get to look at the magazines.  Also during those same years was the first time I got a buzz on alcohol (cold duck).  When I went into the seventh grade, I found my dad’s video porn in his closet.  That was the first time I saw any type of video.  In the 9^th grade I started smoking pot and by the time I was a senior in high school I was a full-blown drug addict (cocaine, pot, meth and LSD).  I was shooting drugs intravenously by the time I was 15.   I also had a collection of porn mags stashed around.

Not having God in my life has caused many problems.  Even though I did not have Jesus, He still watched over me.  I should have been killed four times in motor vehicle wrecks in 9 months.   Hit big dog going 55 mph on motorcycle,  Lady ran red light and I caved in her windshield with my head and totaled my bike,  laid my Harley down doing 76 mph and totaled my car after hitting underpass pillar head on doing 40 mph,   I should have overdosed twice and died from cocaine abuse but I am still here.  I remember waking up on Monday mornings many times and not knowing how I got home the day before on my motorcycle because I was so drunk. 

I remember being mad at God for allowing my son to die in 1991,  If you are real then why is my son DEAD!  I knew he was real,  I learned that much in church,  But I was pissed.  The preacher gave me a bible ….. I did’t read it …. Why should I.  God let my son die!

            I had led a life of numerous addictions, some almost killed me but none were more devastating than pornography.  The porn addiction really did not surface until I got clean off drugs in 1988.  I used the porn to replace the drugs.  I did not recognize I had a problem until 1995 when my now ex-wife busted me on the Internet and I could not explain myself.  In June 2001, I decide to get some professional help.  I also asked my ex to get some marriage counseling with me and she said no.  I had been viewing porn off and on for almost 35 years.  I really did not think it was a problem until the year 1998.  Truly by the Grace of God, I am drug free and porn free today.

           

My life as I knew it came crashing down on August 16, 2001 at 9:30pm. (I had just turned 40 on 8/4)  That was the night my ex-wife rolled over in bed and said that she did not respect me any more (after being together for over 17 years).  My life as I knew it changed forever.  I cried like a baby, did not sleep, and had nobody to turn to except my 11-year-old daughter Nichole (I didn’t know the Lord yet or that I could turn to Him).    At that moment, I felt like Nichole was the only friend I had. (I know now that I was very co-dependent with her at that time.)  The next day I called my therapist and three close friends of mine.   One friend in prior conversation had told me about this church and its pastor, Brad Small who had a sexual addiction in his past; she thought that he could help me. 

Monday morning I showed up at 9:00 am in Brad’s office crying like I had never cried before.  He came in his office with one of the elders; Wib and they took me in with open arms.  They both talked to me for an hour and half and prayed over me.  That was the beginning of my relationship with God, Brad, Wib, and the church.  I had never had God in my life before and so this was a struggle but God got me through it.  I have never looked back.

August 20^th was the first time in years that I had picked up the bible and read in it.  My friend Merritt said to read the Psalms, so I did.

That Friday I started going to Celebrate Recovery and immediately made friends although I was scared.  I was received with open arms.  Amarillo South is such a friendly church.  I started listening to praise music and now that is all I listen too.  Within a month after that, I found a small group that I liked which was at Brad’s house.  I went to both of the men’s accountability groups.  One met at 6:30 AM on Tuesday mornings and the other met at 6:00 on Thursday evenings.  The other thing that I did was go to church every Sunday.  Sometimes I would go to both services. I also did not play golf on Sunday any more.  I also developed a quiet time, which is so important.  I read in my Bible 15 to 30 minutes every morning.

August, September, October, November and December of 2001 were very tough months but I got through them with God’s help and the friends that I had made in Brad and Allison’s small group.  December 31^st to me was the official start of my walk with the Lord.   I had a conversation with a very close friend of mine.  We discussed how you know if it is God’s will or your will.  She explained it to me very well. 

My Salvation story.  On Jan 1^st 2002 I just buried myself in the Bible and my praise music.  That was the first time I was actually moved by reading the Bible. I knew that day, that Jesus had saved me and I was going to heaven.  That day I confessed with my mouth and believed in my heart that Jesus is Lord.   Romans 10:9  Through the months of Jan. and Feb. my friend helped me so much with my walk.    I immersed myself in the Bible and anything that had to do with Jimmy Evans at Trinity Fellowship.  Books and tapes like Marriage on the rock . . . .  Freedom from you past, Return to Intimacy.  I read them all and listened to them all. I found out through reading Marriage on the Rock that I was a dominant, angry and verbally abusive husband who committed adultery with internet women every night and every day.  I WAS AND ADULTER.    What women would want to be married to man like that?  The Bible says stand by your man.  My ex wife did that for years.  She stood by me on lots of things even though she did not like it.  I will always admire her for that.  The only problem with that is that when I did do something wrong, she wouldn’t tell me and she would go to bed angry and resentful.  I will take 50% of the responsibility in the demise of my first marriage and I can honestly say  . . . . .  I did not know what I was doing.    We had no communication at all. 

I did everything in my power to save my marriage, but it was too late.  My ex-wife was gone and she was not coming back.  For the first time in 17 years I was all alone.  I wasn’t alone though, I had the Lord.  All I had to do was trust him.  James 1:12 and 1 Peter 6-7.   I now have a loving relationship with the Lord.   On March 20, 2002 I was baptized.  That was a very awesome experience.   

The Lord has turned my life around and I remarried in June 2003.  I met my wonderful Kelly on www.Eharmony.com  and she is truly an answered prayer.  Our first date was Nov. 1^st. 2002 and we married June 28, 2003.   I then moved from Amarillo, TX. To Arlington, TX in July of 2003.  I now have three more bonus children that I have been blessed with. Our first year of marriage was tough but we made it with the Lord’s help.  Now it just keeps getting better and better.   2005 was a good year.  I did have a major glitch though.  I let my mind stray somewhat and I got on the Internet and looked at pornography for the first time since we had been married.  I had been looking for a couple of minutes every other night for the previous couple of weeks.  I can remember asking the Lord for help.  I actually asked to get caught and Sunday Feb. 27, 2005 I got on for about 20 seconds and she caught me. That was a very difficult time in our marriage.  I learned in the next couple of weeks of what it is like to be married to a Godly woman.  I learned that the Blood of Jesus covers all things and it is not selective.  When I look back at the chain of events that led me to start searching the Internet, I remember that my quiet time went first and then my prayer life left me. We all know what happens when we cut off communication to the Lord.   At that time I was involved in a men’s accountability group that I actually co-led.  The problem was that I was not being honest with the brothers in the group. I was trying to stay pure for them instead of staying pure for the Lord

 This was the original Testimony I had written in 2002.  The next page has been added

How about the other part of my growing up.  The part where my mom and dad never told me they loved me. ( I am sure they did I just don’t remember)  I never seemed to be able to do what was expected of me.  I was a troublemaker.  I figured that since I couldn't get the positive attention I needed then I would do the negative stuff to get attention.   In the first grade I got sent to the office every day.   I went through high school but did not graduate. (So what)  I still went to college.  When I look back I can see where I received many wounds from my parents.  (They did not do it on purpose)  My dad was not around allot.  He had his own business and worked all the time.  Occasional we would do things together but not near enough.  My dad would always miss my track and swim meets at camp.  That hurt.  Only until just recently did I realize that I had a spirit of rejection on me.  Rejection from my parents was probably my biggest wound. 

       In June 05, I went on the Walk to Emmaus and that was all right.  It had its good points, like dying moments, the teachings and candlelight.  I really felt though that they put God in a box . (that is me though other people will view it differently .    It is still a great event though.  (We are all on the same side are we not?)  It is good for some people but Quest allowed me to get deeper than I ever thought I could.   (There are other ways to get deep with God besides Quest)   It is all in how the table is set.   www.Fellowshipofthesword.com puts on the Quest.  So in August I signed up for the September Quest.  Nothing had prepared me for what the Lord was going to show me on the QUEST.   So I went in September, 2005, 6 days with our Lord that changed my life forever.  What an encounter.

.  I went back as a staff member on the March Quest 06 and Father continues to move in my life.  You might say He peeled off another layer.  I now know what it is like to walk in complete obedience.  Walking in obedience is complete freedom.  Walking in obedience is listening to the Lord. The more you walk in obedience the easier it is to hear the Lord when He speaks to you.  I learned Radical obedience always precedes the miraculous.  When you walk in obedience you will have no FEAR, because what you have is the Lord's promises. .  The Truth.  We all know that the truth will set you FREE!!  I also realized that just because you’re saved doesn’t mean you are free and just because you have religion doesn’t mean you are saved.  Religion will not get you to Heaven but Jesus will

Went back as staff in June, 2006

OH MY GOSH!!!

The Lord showed up again.  This time he showed me something about me being in sexual addiction recovery that I did not know.  He showed me that when you break your arm it is broken.  When your arm is in a cast it is in recovery.  When the doctor cuts off the cast you are healed!  You are not still in recovery.  During the ministry time with the staff it was revealed to me that I have labeled myself as being in recovery from sexual addiction when in fact I have been in torment the last five years.  Jesus showed me that I am healed of sexual addiction and I know longer wear the label of a recovering sexual addict but a healed one.  So once again our great and wondrous God peeled off another layer.

       Went back again in August 2006 and November 2006

The rest of my salvation story happened in February 2007 on my way to Amarillo to install some windows at my brother’s house.  I was listening to an allegory called Affabell by John Bevere.  It absolutely rattled my cage.  I had been struggling ever since I got saved on January 1 2002 with the enemy telling me it was not real.  This day I pulled off the side of the road.  It was 20 degrees the wind blowing 30 mph and snowing.  I got out of my truck got into the bar ditch in my short sleeves and with my hands held high I made Jesus my Lord and I have not looked back.

 God is so faithful, one more layer peeled off.  I have since gone back and served four times a year ever since.  I know where the Lord wants me;   I am now a Men's Minister with Fellowship of the Sword.  I am in awe of how the Lord continues to work through me.  My wife went on her Heart Quest in Feb. 06 and is now a released women's minister with Fellowship of the Sword.    The Lord has used Fellowship of the Sword to save my life and to show me what a real man looks like........ Jesus with skin on.   There are so many things the Lord has shown me every time I go back. If you ever want to know I will share them with you on the phone or in person.

The Lord has restored me and he can restore you.  In March 2008 I got free from the death of my son; I personally feel that by going a Quest and being involved in the Ministry has saved my marriage.  He lifted my cocaine addiction on May 12^th 1988.  He kept me from death 4 times that I know of.  I have been living a lifestyle of sexual purity since May of 2001, and although I slipped a few times after that, Father has faithfully restored me every time.   I am porn free!  My worst day now as I walk with the Lord is better than my best day when I did not know Him!

One of my biggest breakthroughs came on June 22, 08.  Without going in to details because this is a long story.  My daughter is a prodigal.   The Lord showed me on this day to trust Him with her. 

There is more to this story, but the bottom line is that for the last two and a half years (2013) I have been struggling with unbelief and not trusting God.  With thinking that says ....... I can do a better job than You God.  That is all gone and I trust God with everything in my life including whatever happens with my daughter.  The last thing I want to say is for me,   The Quest is all about Jesus.

I will leave you with this.  Life is all about choices.  I asked the Lord one day “why do I continue to want to look at porn.  Why do I feel like I want to go back?”    I hear “Kevin, you are free you just choose to go back to your old ways.  I have given you all of the tools you need to be free,  you choose to not use them all.  The ball is in your court.

                       

Thanks and God Bless

Kevin Gwyn

2018

Fear of the Lord

But seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all things shall be added to you.

Matthew 6.33

 

This is where I need to be. It is all about priorites. Putting God first above all things.

 

Having a Fear of the Lord. Job 37. 24 says ............ all who are wise show Him reverence. I feel if you show Him reference then comes The Fear of the Lord.