Dec 28th Oswald.
………………………………………………………………………….To refuse to be continuously
converted puts a stumbling block in the growth of our spiritual life. There are
areas of self-will in our lives where our pride pours contempt on the throne of
God and says, “I won’t submit.” We deify our independence and self-will and
call them by the wrong name. What God sees as stubborn weakness, we call
strength. There are whole areas of our lives that have not yet been brought
into submission, and this can only be done by this continuous conversion.
Slowly but surely we can claim the whole territory for the Spirit of God. I read this and
can’t help but wonder about myself. How
many times I refuse to be converted. I
am a fallen man but at the same time I am a son of the most high God. Sometimes I get up in the morning and like
who I see and sometimes I don’t like who I see.
Yesterday’s devotion from Oswald really nailed me as well. Dec 27th. Our battles are first won or lost in the
secret places of our will in God’s presence, never in full view of the world. The Spirit of God seizes me and I am
compelled to get alone with God and fight the battle before Him. Until
I do this, I will lose every time. The battle may take one minute or one year,
but that will depend on me, not God. However long it takes, I must wrestle with
it alone before God, and I must resolve to go through the hell of renunciation
or rejection before Him. Nothing has any power over someone who has fought the
battle before God and won there. I
should never say, “I will wait until I get into difficult circumstances and
then I’ll put God to the test.” Trying to do that will not work. I must first get the issue settled
between God and myself in the secret places of my soul, where no one else can
interfere. Then I can go ahead, knowing with certainty that the battle
is won. Lose it there, and calamity, disaster, and defeat before the world are
as sure as the laws of God. The reason the battle is lost is that I fight it
first in the external world. Get alone with God, do battle before Him, and
settle the matter once and for all. So I am really
chewing on this one…. What does it look like to get alone with the almighty and
fight the battle before Him? I think I
have done this, but am I fooling myself into thinking I have? What does it look like? ON my knees in prayer or sitting silent and
just listening. My battles with jealousy,
lust and selfishness are always at the forefront. I am sincerely,
passionately trying to not sin, but I keep sinning. I am at the point where I am fixated on
trying not to sin. It is like a vicious
cycle the keeps repeating itself. It is
not working. I somehow need to get the
issue settled between God and myself in the secret place. It is time for revelation; do I have the
patience to wait for the answer?
Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be
transformed by the renewal of your mind.
Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is. His good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
