Selfishness

James 3:16-18  (NLT)
16 For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.  I am going to Quest to serve May 12th.  This passage came up 19 days ago when I was writing my getting to know you to the staff.  One of the questions asks for a prayer request.  My prayer request on April 12th was about my struggles with Jealousy and selfishness.  Little did I know that this was going to raise its ugly head Tuesday 4/21.  It was ugly….. You see my wife has 4 wonderful relationships.  Three with her kids and one with her sister.  My relationships with my kids are good just not on the same level.  My relationship with my brother is not bad but could be a lot better.  I have tried to speak with him but he is in his on world.  Nothing I can do about that.   There is no bitterness and we get along fine we just don’t talk much.
 The word says you reap what you sow......  Galatians 6:7-9 (NASB) 7 do not be deceived; God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. 8 For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. 9 Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.  Now my kids in Amarillo ……. I have good relationships with them;   I just don’t talk to them as much as I should or my parents for that matter.   So a friend of mine the other day said this ….. “Why can’t you just be happy for your wife?”   I said “what?”   Then it clicked.  I have never been happy for the relationships that my Kelly has with her family.  What an ASS I have been.  I have only been jealous, and then comes the selfishness and the passive aggressive behavior.  Maybe I am selfish first then jealous……..   who knows what comes first.  They are both bad!  
  I have made it so my wife walks around on eggshells at times when she talks to her children or sister.
So just what exactly have I been sowing?   Well it is not good.   Here is what I know.  You reap what you sow and I am tired of the crap that I cause.  So it is time for a change.  Todd White says’  “ I am so free from me I am free from you!”  “Don’t return attitude with attitude!”  Sometimes I feel so close …….. but as you know I am not one to where a mask.   So verse 16 is who I was yesterday.  Today I walk in the promise of verse 17 and 18.

 James 3:17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. 18 And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.[a]

Selfishness crushes Legacy   I have to remember that it is not my world I just live in it.