Be at peace

Over the last probably 3 weeks I have had some stuff stirring in my heart. One of the things that I have come to realize at men's group is as much as I have struggled with lust it pales in comparison to my struggles of walking in judgment. What I mean by that is I will occasionally look at porn.  The question is always why did you do that? What was the trigger? Why did you feel you had to go down that road? Reality is many times I have those answers but sometimes I don't. When it comes to judgement I do that every single day without question. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it until it's too late. But rarely do I get the question what was the trigger? Why did you feel you had to go down that road? Why did you feel you had to judge that person? I don't get those questions

I think judging people, sometimes ……. it's fun to do. Like walking around in Walmart and looking at it every single person and you think that you know their story or why they are dressed the way they are. Jesus said judge not lest ye be judged more harshly. When someone knows they're being judged they will fire back and judge you back most likely and even in a meaner since. And then you become angrier and actually judge yourself for judging that person, so they can judge you back it's like a vicious circle it's like running in that stupid hamster cage.

I have had several instances over the last 3 or 4 weeks where the Judgment had taken root and one morning I felt like I heard Holy Spirit say take the high road.  I had written a 5-star review for a place where my wife and I stayed.  Halfway through the review though I added some critique and suggested a policy change.  I sent it to the owner to let him review it before I posted it online. Basically, asking him for his thoughts. I didn't hear from him for 3 or 4 days. All kinds of thoughts were running through my mind about why they did what they did, and why he hadn't responded.   The truth is the reason he didn't respond is because the day I sent the email he buried his dad.   When he finally got around to responding. He said he was with his mom over the last week who had pneumonia. Who was so sick she couldn't even go to her husband's own funeral. Well let's just say I felt like an ass all because I walked in judgement.

He wrote me a very nice email and was very grateful for what I have written was very grateful for the review that I had posted online about his business – I left off the critique and suggested policy change. And then he credited me back $200. I wasn't asking for any money back but because I took the high road God was smiling. I am so glad that I chose to listen and some of the things that I said to him ministered to him which was important.

Isa 57:14
14 And it shall be said,
“Build up, build up, prepare the way,
remove every obstruction from my people's way.”

In my email responses to him this is what I did. I built him up the Lord prepared his way and the judgment was the obstruction

16 For I will not contend forever,
nor will I always be angry;
for the spirit would grow faint before me,
and the breath of life that I made.

When I read this scripture I honestly feel that I'm Not Angry Anymore. Because while I was this is exactly what I felt was going on is that his Spirit was going to faint before me. This anger came from the judgment


18 I have seen his ways, but I will heal him;
I will lead him and restore comfort to him and his mourners,

When I read this scripture, I feel like I've been healed.

19 creating the fruit of the lips.
Peace, peace, to the far and to the near,” says the Lord,
“and I will heal him.

I will walk in peace today. 

Door slammed shut.

A paragraph from Oswald Chambers.

Have I been persecuting Jesus by a zealous determination to serve Him in my own way? If I feel I have done my duty and yet have hurt Him in doing it, I may be sure it was not my duty, because it has not fostered the meek and quiet spirit, but the spirit of self-satisfaction. We imagine that whatever is unpleasant is our duty! Is that anything like the spirit of our Lord - "I delight to do Thy will, O My God." Oswald Chambers 1 - 29

This morning I made it a point to not go online and read news, watch some YouTube music,   anything other than sitting praying and then opening up my Bible.   These are items that get in the way it seems like almost every morning. It really makes me tired it is interference. It's like being in a church and having an intimate conversation with someone and then somebody else walks up and blatantly interrupts to say hi to either you or the person you're speaking to. It's obvious you're having a deep conversation, but this person doesn't care. That's what it feels like in the mornings when I want to spend time with the Lord and I let outside circumstances interrupt my time.

Having said all that,  There been several things going on in my heart that had been interfering with my relationship with God. I felt over the last couple of weeks I have been making decisions based on where I want to serve him.  I have known it for a while but these decisions  are based on inner judgments that I have made. And then this morning I decided to read Oswald Chambers. And as usual it really spoke to me.  If I'm serving Jesus where I want to serve him is that really serving him? 

I have been here before.

I went as far as looking at trying to serve in another Ministry thinking I needed a change. I needed different surroundings. I thought I could learn something new somewhere else. (there sure were a lot of "I's " just written here.) The truth is Ministry is Ministry when it comes to the hearts of men and women. I thoroughly believed I tried to open the door to somewhere else and it got slammed shut.   kind of like your trying to open a door and someone on the other side is holding it shut. That's what it felt like.   it took this person almost two weeks to get back to my email I sent him and then he said he would contact me back and never did. So, I took that as a closed-door and I didn't take it personally.

Revelation 3:7
“And to the angel of the church in Philadelphia write: ‘The words of the holy one, the true one, who has the key of David, who opens and no one will shut, who shuts and no one opens

Or my case trying to go through a shut door that I can't open.

There will be a day that I will choose to not let outside circumstances, situations, and most importantly people influence who I am. There is only one person that gets to influence me and that would be the Holy One. 


Who or what is influencing you today?

The Shack

Isaiah 60:2 For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, and deep darkness the people; but the Lord will arise over you, and His glory will be seen upon you.

This morning before my quiet time I wanted to look up an actress that played Holy Spirit in the movie The Shack.  (We watched it again last night) When I copied and pasted her name in Google search this morning this scripture from Isaiah came up. I guess it was still on the clipboard. Or not :-)   Considering, that part of the movie was about the evil that's in our world I found it interesting that this scripture came up instead. Obviously, I had copied it the other day and it was still on the clipboard (I think). Nevertheless, the timing was impeccable.  Sometimes it's the subtle things that I need to be reminded about.

Numbers 6:24-26 (NLT)
24 ‘May the Lord bless you
    and protect you.
25 May the Lord smile on you
    and be gracious to you.
26 May the Lord show you his favor
    and give you his peace.’

That movie was about numbers 6:24 - 26

How many times can you relate to what Mac Phillips was going through in that movie. The Pain, the Heartbreak, the unforgiveness, the hatred and the big ones........... wanting vengeance, blaming God and of course blaming yourself for something that you had no control over.

Things happen. Things are said, and you know it's in His love.  You look up in the night sky. And see the Crescent Moon and you know God is smiling at you.

There is a scene in the movie where Mac is out in the middle of the lake in the boat and it starts to sink. Jesus comes to him walking on the water.  Mac hesitates and then chooses to trust Jesus enough to get out of the boat and walk on the water with him back to shore.  So much joy!

Later in the movie after Mac receives his healing he's walking with Jesus on land towards the lake. He is so excited he decides to run on the water and he leaves Jesus on the shore and of course, Mac is not able to walk on water because he left Jesus behind.   Jesus says we should do things together.

I have to wonder how many times in my own life am I afraid to get out of the boat because I'm going to sink, or I run ahead of Jesus and do it my own way and therefore I sink again.
Jesus tells Mac to look at me. Mac look at me ..... look at me.

https://youtu.be/G1OHyINxuRQ