Sef-will

Dec 28^th Oswald.

………………………………………………………………………….To refuse to be continuously converted puts a stumbling block in the growth of our spiritual life. There are areas of self-will in our lives where our pride pours contempt on the throne of God and says, “I won’t submit.” We deify our independence and self-will and call them by the wrong name. What God sees as stubborn weakness, we call strength. There are whole areas of our lives that have not yet been brought into submission, and this can only be done by this continuous conversion. Slowly but surely we can claim the whole territory for the Spirit of God.  I read this and can’t help but wonder about myself.  How many times I refuse to be converted.  I am a fallen man but at the same time I am a son of the most high God.  Sometimes I get up in the morning and like who I see and sometimes I don’t like who I see.  Yesterday’s devotion from Oswald really nailed me as well.         Dec 27^th.  Our battles are first won or lost in the secret places of our will in God’s presence, never in full view of the world. The Spirit of God seizes me and I am compelled to get alone with God and fight the battle before Him. Until I do this, I will lose every time. The battle may take one minute or one year, but that will depend on me, not God. However long it takes, I must wrestle with it alone before God, and I must resolve to go through the hell of renunciation or rejection before Him. Nothing has any power over someone who has fought the battle before God and won there.   I should never say, “I will wait until I get into difficult circumstances and then I’ll put God to the test.” Trying to do that will not work. I must first get the issue settled between God and myself in the secret places of my soul, where no one else can interfere. Then I can go ahead, knowing with certainty that the battle is won. Lose it there, and calamity, disaster, and defeat before the world are as sure as the laws of God. The reason the battle is lost is that I fight it first in the external world. Get alone with God, do battle before Him, and settle the matter once and for all.  So I am really chewing on this one…. What does it look like to get alone with the almighty and fight the battle before Him?   I think I have done this, but am I fooling myself into thinking I have?  What does it look like?  ON my knees in prayer or sitting silent and just listening.  My battles with jealousy, lust and selfishness are always at the forefront.  I am sincerely, passionately trying to not sin, but I keep sinning.  I am at the point where I am fixated on trying not to sin.  It is like a vicious cycle the keeps repeating itself.  It is not working.  I somehow need to get the issue settled between God and myself in the secret place.  It is time for revelation; do I have the patience to wait for the answer?

Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is.  His good, pleasing and perfect will.  Romans 12:2