Isaiah 61

Isaiah 61:1-2
The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, Because the Lord has anointed me To bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to captives And freedom to prisoners; To proclaim the favorable year of the Lord And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, NASB95

Thank you Lord for this word this morning

Bless You
kevin

Trust Him

Deuteronomy 4:31
"For the Lord your God is a compassionate God; He will not fail you nor destroy you nor forget the covenant with your fathers which He swore to them. NASB95

Deuteronomy 4:39-40
Therefore know this day, and consider it in your heart, that the Lord Himself is God in heaven above and on the earth beneath; there is no other. You shall therefore keep His statutes and His commandments which I command you today, that it may go well with you and with your children after you, and that you may prolong your days in the land which the Lord your God is giving you for all time." NKJV

When you are not working, it is easy to get depressed and to stop focusing on what is true. That God is faithful. I got up this morning not wanting to spend time in the word or prayer, but I am and this is what I heard. Trust and obey his word. This has been the longest dry spell of work I have had in the six years I have lived here. I wonder if He is trying to show me something.

 

Be Blessed today

Kevin

Oswald Chambers Jeremiah 4.1 …………..

Where the battle's lost and won

If thou wilt return, O Israel, saith the Lord. . . . Jeremiah 4:1.

The battle is lost or won in the secret places of the will before God[K] what are the secret places?, never first in the external world. [K] does this mean I am trying to do it alone? The Spirit of God apprehends me and I am obliged to get alone with God and fight the battle out before Him. [K] What does this look like? Until this is done, I lose every time. [K] to me I am not fighting out the battle before and that is why I am losing! The battle may take one minute or a year, that will depend on me, not on God; but it must be wrestled out alone before God, and I must resolutely go through the hell of a renunciation before Him.[K] I don't understand this part.

Nothing has any power over the man who has fought out the battle before God and won there[K] this is the key …. This is where the victory is … fighting the battle out before God. If I say—'I will wait till I get into the circumstances and then put God to the test,' I shall find I cannot. I must get the thing settled between myself and God in the secret places of my soul where no stranger intermeddles, and then I can go forth with the certainty that the battle is won. [K] If I don't make up my mind, my unmade mind will un make me. Lose it there, and calamity and disaster and upset are as sure as God's decree. The reason the battle is not won is because I try to win it in the external world first. [K] this means trying to do it on my own doesn't it (Pride) Get alone with God, fight it out before Him, settle the matter there once and for all.

In dealing with other people, the line to take is to push them to an issue of will. That is the way abandonment begins. Every now and again, not often, but sometimes, God brings us to a point of climax. That is the Great Divide in the life; from that point we either go towards a more and more dilatory and useless type of Christian life, or we become more and more ablaze for the glory of God—"My Utmost for His Highest."[K] I don't want to be a useless Christian, those words don't even go together. I want to be free. I know the moment I have walked free from this something else will raise its ugly head…. Something else to battle alone before God and that is okay.

As I have read over my responses in red I am thinking that these are the questions that I need to be asking the Lord, I have grown in so many areas of my life, but there is so much more potential there …. I feel it. This is the one thing that is keeping me from going where the Lord wants to take me. I understand that everyone has their stuff and even when I am free from this, I will have other stuff as well. This is my Mt Everest and I am ready to conquer it. Once a man climbs Mt Everest he has conquered the highest mountain there is not another mountain taller. I have climbed a lot of mountains in the Himalayas, It is time to climb Mt Everest I have all the tools!

The Lord showed up!

It was men's group last night and God showed up. Without going into details, because what is said in group stays in group. God showed up and showed off. There is freedom coming for men in our group. Warriors would be better suited. One of the last things I wrote yesterday was "For me right now, I need to get to where I am in Awe of the Lord and His greatness and Holiness" That is what I and the other 16 men witnessed last night. Men trusting men with their hearts. Seeing his mighty hand work through evening and drawing men out. Thank You Jesus.

This morning as I am reading how mighty our Lord is in "The Fear of the Lord" about the universe. It has hard to fathom how big it really is and the Lord knows the name of every star.

I move into reading the Psalm 91 and it is good and I read Psalm 92 and it is good, but I am looking for something to leap off the page at me. Then I remember earlier when I read in my Men of Integrity and I felt I was suppose to read in 1 Timothy 4 and once again scripture comes alive to me "Rhema"

1 Timothy 4:7-16
But have nothing to do with worldly fables fit only for old women. On the other hand, discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness; 8 for bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.

Spiritual discipline that is what comes first. Doing things for the Lord because you Love Him not because you have to.

 

9 It is a trustworthy statement deserving full acceptance. 10 For it is for this we labor and strive, because we have fixed our hope on the living God, who is the Savior of all men, especially of believers. 11 Prescribe and teach these things. 12 Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe. 13 Until I come, give attention to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation and teaching. 14 Do not neglect the spiritual gift within you, which was bestowed on you through prophetic utterance with the laying on of hands by the presbytery. 15 Take pains with these things; be absorbed in them, so that your progress will be evident to all. 16 Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you.NASB95

This is good; I think this goes hand in hand with what I have been writing about since the start of this journal. When I look back it is all intertwined.

Thank You Jesus

Kevin

Black and White

I have started reading the book "The Fear of the Lord" by John Bevere. One of the things that really struck me this morning was what he said about our unspoken words. "There is a black and white for others, but it is gray for me. It's wrong for others because it doesn't affect me, but I'm exempt if obeying makes my life uncomfortable. Another slap in the face to me. The black and white is me being Judgmental of people. Me seeing things that other people need to do to better their lives but I am not willing to do it myself. Telling someone "This is what you need to do to Honor your Wife, but I am not willing to do that myself. Pathetic …. That is what that is. I have been so guilty of Ministering to Men and in the same breath, knowing I am not doing what I am telling them to. I guess that would be Pride as well …… SUCK! My way is good enough for you but not good enough for me. It is very HARD to serve a God in the image that I have made Him into.

Isaiah 29:13-14
The Master said: "These people make a big show of saying the right thing, but their hearts aren't in it. Because they act like they're worshiping me but don't mean it, I'm going to step in and shock them awake, astonish them, stand them on their ears. The wise ones who had it all figured out will be exposed as fools. The smart people who thought they knew everything will turn out to know nothing." The Message

Romans 1:20-23
By taking a long and thoughtful look at what God has created, people have always been able to see what their eyes as such can't see: eternal power, for instance, and the mystery of his divine being. So nobody has a good excuse. What happened was this: People knew God perfectly well, but when they didn't treat him like God, refusing to worship him, they trivialized themselves into silliness and confusion so that there was neither sense nor direction left in their lives. They pretended to know it all, but were illiterate regarding life. They traded the glory of God who holds the whole world in his hands for cheap figurines you can buy at any roadside stand. The Message

The Golden Café is a good example. They made an Idol and still referred to it as God, which in turn reduced the greatness of Him to an image they were familiar with.

I wonder ……. What is my golden café ……. Could I be putting more emphasis on the ministry of men than focusing on the Lord Himself? What I mean is …….. Could I be losing site of the big picture. Which is the Lord. Here is what I know …….. Right now I am very conscious of ministry to men and what the Lord wants. It is so easy though to lose that focus and then my wife suffers. I try to stay focused on hearing the Lord when it comes to Kelly and what her needs are and when to pray for her and not come across as a butt. Which is something I do so well ….. Sometimes

 

For me right now, I need to get to where I am in Awe of the Lord and His greatness and Holiness

 

Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty; the whole Earth is filled with His glory

 

Breaking the Fast

I broke my fast last night, the Lord never gave me a set time to fast, but I got peace last night when I realized what was going on … a redirection. Here is what I know; the fast has reset my direction and my priorities. No diet …. Just eat right and exercise. No fast food that is the killer. Walk or ride a bike every day and lose 50 pounds. The lord has shown me that as the leader of my home that my wife will not follow suit until I get disciplined myself. My body is a temple and I am not doing a very good job at taking care of it. If I was a car I have not changed the oil in a year and have been filling up my tank with regular instead of premium.

Now to my time with the Lord this morning. I read in Oswald who took me to Romans 1, nothing jumped out at me so I continued to read on into chpt 2 Romans 2:5 but because of your stubbornness and unrepentant heart you are storing up wrath for yourself in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God, NASB95

What is stubbornness? I would think that it is rebellion. 1 Samuel 15:23
for rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, And stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He also has rejected you from being king."NKJV Personally I do not want to walk in this. This was a major thumping for me as far as my eating goes, my lack of exercise, and my judgment of people that are overweight. The whole morning was a major eye opener. The biggest thing by far is how I lead my wife spiritually and physically. Praying with her when the Lord says, instead of not doing it. Ministering to her the way I minister to men. Giving her the voice that I give men who are in need of ministry. That was what the Lord showed me two years ago when I when on Bushido. My life scripture was and still is James 1:26-27
if anyone thinks himself to be religious (piously observant of the external duties of his faith) and does not bridle his tongue but deludes his own heart; this person's religious service is worthless (futile, barren). External religious worship [religion as it is expressed in outward acts] that is pure and unblemished in the sight of God the Father is this: to visit and help and care for the orphans and widows in their affliction and need and to keep oneself unspotted and uncontaminated from the world. AMP

To sum this up in the words of Richard Henderson and I quote "If you minister to men and women and not your family then what you are doing is making your wife and children the widow and orphan's in your own home" when I asked my wife is that was me she looked at me and said "Yep, that is pretty much you most of the time" I will never forget that. I still struggle in that area but not near as much. I am trying to find a balance. Now to the rest of the story. The passage below nailed me as well and to sum it up. I need to practice what I preach and now that I am a co – leader of a men's group at church this is more important than ever.

Romans 2:17-24
You who call yourselves Jews are relying on God's law, and you boast about your special relationship with him. You know what he wants; you know what is right because you have been taught his law. You are convinced that you are a guide for the blind and a light for people who are lost in darkness. You think you can instruct the ignorant and teach children the ways of God. For you are certain that God's law gives you complete knowledge and truth. Well then, if you teach others, why don't you teach yourself? You tell others not to steal, but do you steal? You say it is wrong to commit adultery, but do you commit adultery? You condemn idolatry, but do you use items stolen from pagan temples? You are so proud of knowing the law, but you dishonor God by breaking it. No wonder the Scriptures say, "The Gentiles blaspheme the name of God because of you." NLT

James 3:1
NOT MANY [of you] should become teachers (self-constituted censors and reprovers of others), my brethren, for you know that we [teachers] will be judged by a higher standard and with greater severity [than other people; thus we assume the greater accountability and the more condemnation].AMP

 

Thanks for reading

Kevin

 

Ananias and Sapphira

Once again the Lord amazes me. This morning he directs me to the book The Fear of the Lord by John Bevere to page 79 (I have not read the book yet) and to Galatians 2:20. The biggest thing I got out of the story is this. Do I give everything to the Lord or do I hold back and Lie. Do I make myself look good to man (Which is fear of man). This all goes back to how you conduct yourself when no one is around. Do you walk with integrity and honesty? Is your Fear of the Lord lacking in this area? I know for myself I lack in this area in places. These places are in my heart. After I read several pages of this chpt it made me realize once again that my Fear of the Lord is not where it should be. I mean …. If someone stood beside me and I knew they were lying to the Holy Spirit and then they were struck dead right before my eyes, would that be enough for me to change my ways? I don't think so…….. Maybe for a while. As I have seen for myself what the Lord has done in my life and in others. Why am I not in Awe? This is a place that I am seeking and this is one of the reasons I am fasting.

Acts 5:1-11
but a certain man named Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, sold a possession. And he kept back part of the proceeds, his wife also being aware of it, and brought a certain part and laid it at the apostles' feet. But Peter said, "Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit and keep back part of the price of the land for yourself? While it remained, was it not your own? And after it was sold, was it not in your own control? Why have you conceived this thing in your heart? You have not lied to men but to God." Then Ananias, hearing these words, fell down and breathed his last. So great fear came upon all those who heard these things. And the young men arose and wrapped him up, carried him out, and buried him. Now it was about three hours later when his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. And Peter answered her, "Tell me whether you sold the land for so much?" She said, "Yes, for so much." Then Peter said to her, "How is it that you have agreed together to test the Spirit of the Lord? Look, the feet of those who have buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out." Then immediately she fell down at his feet and breathed her last. And the young men came in and found her dead, and carrying her out, buried her by her husband. So great fear came upon all the church and upon all who heard these things.NKJV

As I am reading in Galatians, I does not even dawn on me that Galatians 2:20 which I have memorized fluently is in this chapter until I get to it. When I get there it leaps of the page at me. It becomes Rhema. Once again the Lord shows up, but why is that not enough for me to be in Awe? He kept my mind blank until I got to 2:20. Many times I read a chapter the first thing that goes through my mind is "Oh yeah I remeber that" Here is what I know, I am a son and I have been crucified. I like what the Message version says.

 

Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.NKJV

Galatians 2:20-21
I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that. Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God's grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily. The Message

Day three of my Fast

 

 

I have to admit, I am very hungry. I have been in the word off and on since 7:00 this morning and it is now 9:30 am. The weather is Nasty outside, but I like it. It has been good this morning. I sense a level of excitement about this time of fasting and prayer. Right now only two people now I am fasting. I am not sure who or if I will tell anyone. It is not about who knows it is about what is done in secret so the Lord will reward you in the open Matthew 6.18

One of the passages I read this morning that struck me was out of Psalm 66

Psalm 66:16-20
Come and hear, all you who fear God, And I will declare what He has done for my soul. I cried to Him with my mouth, And He was extolled with my tongue. If I regard iniquity in my heart, The Lord will not hear. But certainly God has heard me; He has attended to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, Who has not turned away my prayer, Nor His mercy from me! NKJV

Stay fessed up with the Lord! I walk in freedom because of this. Scripture says in 1 John 1:9
if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.NKJV

You are only as sick as your secrets

James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.NIV

This is where the Freedom comes from. Confessing not only to the Lord but also to your fellow brother.

Get it out in the open, into the light.

Just because you are saved doesn't mean you are free

 

 

Day Two of my Fast

.

Right now I don't know how long the fast will be. I am looking forward to it. As I am spending time with the Lord this morning it becomes evident the Fear of the Lord is a reoccurring theme right now. I have been reading in the Beth Moore book "Praying God's Word" Very good book. The first chapter is about Idolatry. This is something that I have struggled with in the past. That Idolatry can come any many forms. Lust has been idolatry for me. Lust came come in many forms. Food, Women, money, work, affirmation from man anything that you put before God is Idolatry.

 

Isaiah 43:10-12
"You are My witnesses," says the Lord, "And My servant whom I have chosen, That you may know and believe Me, And understand that I am He. Before Me there was no God formed, Nor shall there be after Me. I, even I, am the Lord, and besides Me there is no savior. I have declared and saved, I have proclaimed, And there was no foreign god among you; Therefore you are My witnesses," Says the Lord, "that I am God.

Malachi 4:2
But to you who fear My name The Sun of Righteousness shall arise With healing in His wings; and you shall go out and grow fat like stall-fed calves.

Psalm 31:19
Oh, how great is Your goodness, Which You have laid up for those who fear You, Which You have prepared for those who trust in You In the presence of the sons of men! NKJV

 

So, what is my fast about? It is about hearing the Lord. Last year I fasted for forty days and it was incredible. I heard the Lord every day and walked in victory. Now I have back slided some what and have gotten back into so old eating habits and thought patterns. Things will change and I am looking forward to it.

 

Also at this time I have been reading "The Power of a Praying Husband" Great read ….. second time through. Highly recommend it. I try to pray for my wife everyday over her and for her especially for Her protection.

 

Be Blessed

Kevin

 

My Testimony

My Testimony

 My whole life is a testimony.  I started writing my testimony for the first time in the summer of 2002

I was born and raised in Amarillo, TX. I was raised in the Presbyterian Church to about the 9^th grade.  Basically, Church was crammed down my throat and my dad did not go to church.  I hated it with every fiber in my being.  I got picked on, beat up, and didn’t get taught about who this man was they called Jesus.  I remember he died on the cross for my sins, But what in the hell did that mean?   I can tell you this  … as soon as I was old enough t make it miserable for my mom when I went she quit making me go.   Went to school in Canyon Texas …. Jr High and high school

My journey started when I was around 5.  I just remember sitting in that bathroom at my dad’s friend’s house looking at the stack of Playboy’s.  My family and I would go over to their house every Friday or Sat. night for years.  I remember getting so excited about going over there because I knew I would get to look at the magazines.  Also during those same years was the first time I got a buzz on alcohol (cold duck).  When I went into the seventh grade, I found my dad’s video porn in his closet.  That was the first time I saw any type of video.  In the 9^th grade I started smoking pot and by the time I was a senior in high school I was a full-blown drug addict (cocaine, pot, meth and LSD).  I was shooting drugs intravenously by the time I was 15.   I also had a collection of porn mags stashed around.

Not having God in my life has caused many problems.  Even though I did not have Jesus, He still watched over me.  I should have been killed four times in motor vehicle wrecks in 9 months.   Hit big dog going 55 mph on motorcycle,  Lady ran red light and I caved in her windshield with my head and totaled my bike,  laid my Harley down doing 76 mph and totaled my car after hitting underpass pillar head on doing 40 mph,   I should have overdosed twice and died from cocaine abuse but I am still here.  I remember waking up on Monday mornings many times and not knowing how I got home the day before on my motorcycle because I was so drunk. 

I remember being mad at God for allowing my son to die in 1991,  If you are real then why is my son DEAD!  I knew he was real,  I learned that much in church,  But I was pissed.  The preacher gave me a bible ….. I did’t read it …. Why should I.  God let my son die!

            I had led a life of numerous addictions, some almost killed me but none were more devastating than pornography.  The porn addiction really did not surface until I got clean off drugs in 1988.  I used the porn to replace the drugs.  I did not recognize I had a problem until 1995 when my now ex-wife busted me on the Internet and I could not explain myself.  In June 2001, I decide to get some professional help.  I also asked my ex to get some marriage counseling with me and she said no.  I had been viewing porn off and on for almost 35 years.  I really did not think it was a problem until the year 1998.  Truly by the Grace of God, I am drug free and porn free today.

           

My life as I knew it came crashing down on August 16, 2001 at 9:30pm. (I had just turned 40 on 8/4)  That was the night my ex-wife rolled over in bed and said that she did not respect me any more (after being together for over 17 years).  My life as I knew it changed forever.  I cried like a baby, did not sleep, and had nobody to turn to except my 11-year-old daughter Nichole (I didn’t know the Lord yet or that I could turn to Him).    At that moment, I felt like Nichole was the only friend I had. (I know now that I was very co-dependent with her at that time.)  The next day I called my therapist and three close friends of mine.   One friend in prior conversation had told me about this church and its pastor, Brad Small who had a sexual addiction in his past; she thought that he could help me. 

Monday morning I showed up at 9:00 am in Brad’s office crying like I had never cried before.  He came in his office with one of the elders; Wib and they took me in with open arms.  They both talked to me for an hour and half and prayed over me.  That was the beginning of my relationship with God, Brad, Wib, and the church.  I had never had God in my life before and so this was a struggle but God got me through it.  I have never looked back.

August 20^th was the first time in years that I had picked up the bible and read in it.  My friend Merritt said to read the Psalms, so I did.

That Friday I started going to Celebrate Recovery and immediately made friends although I was scared.  I was received with open arms.  Amarillo South is such a friendly church.  I started listening to praise music and now that is all I listen too.  Within a month after that, I found a small group that I liked which was at Brad’s house.  I went to both of the men’s accountability groups.  One met at 6:30 AM on Tuesday mornings and the other met at 6:00 on Thursday evenings.  The other thing that I did was go to church every Sunday.  Sometimes I would go to both services. I also did not play golf on Sunday any more.  I also developed a quiet time, which is so important.  I read in my Bible 15 to 30 minutes every morning.

August, September, October, November and December of 2001 were very tough months but I got through them with God’s help and the friends that I had made in Brad and Allison’s small group.  December 31^st to me was the official start of my walk with the Lord.   I had a conversation with a very close friend of mine.  We discussed how you know if it is God’s will or your will.  She explained it to me very well. 

My Salvation story.  On Jan 1^st 2002 I just buried myself in the Bible and my praise music.  That was the first time I was actually moved by reading the Bible. I knew that day, that Jesus had saved me and I was going to heaven.  That day I confessed with my mouth and believed in my heart that Jesus is Lord.   Romans 10:9  Through the months of Jan. and Feb. my friend helped me so much with my walk.    I immersed myself in the Bible and anything that had to do with Jimmy Evans at Trinity Fellowship.  Books and tapes like Marriage on the rock . . . .  Freedom from you past, Return to Intimacy.  I read them all and listened to them all. I found out through reading Marriage on the Rock that I was a dominant, angry and verbally abusive husband who committed adultery with internet women every night and every day.  I WAS AND ADULTER.    What women would want to be married to man like that?  The Bible says stand by your man.  My ex wife did that for years.  She stood by me on lots of things even though she did not like it.  I will always admire her for that.  The only problem with that is that when I did do something wrong, she wouldn’t tell me and she would go to bed angry and resentful.  I will take 50% of the responsibility in the demise of my first marriage and I can honestly say  . . . . .  I did not know what I was doing.    We had no communication at all. 

I did everything in my power to save my marriage, but it was too late.  My ex-wife was gone and she was not coming back.  For the first time in 17 years I was all alone.  I wasn’t alone though, I had the Lord.  All I had to do was trust him.  James 1:12 and 1 Peter 6-7.   I now have a loving relationship with the Lord.   On March 20, 2002 I was baptized.  That was a very awesome experience.   

The Lord has turned my life around and I remarried in June 2003.  I met my wonderful Kelly on www.Eharmony.com  and she is truly an answered prayer.  Our first date was Nov. 1^st. 2002 and we married June 28, 2003.   I then moved from Amarillo, TX. To Arlington, TX in July of 2003.  I now have three more bonus children that I have been blessed with. Our first year of marriage was tough but we made it with the Lord’s help.  Now it just keeps getting better and better.   2005 was a good year.  I did have a major glitch though.  I let my mind stray somewhat and I got on the Internet and looked at pornography for the first time since we had been married.  I had been looking for a couple of minutes every other night for the previous couple of weeks.  I can remember asking the Lord for help.  I actually asked to get caught and Sunday Feb. 27, 2005 I got on for about 20 seconds and she caught me. That was a very difficult time in our marriage.  I learned in the next couple of weeks of what it is like to be married to a Godly woman.  I learned that the Blood of Jesus covers all things and it is not selective.  When I look back at the chain of events that led me to start searching the Internet, I remember that my quiet time went first and then my prayer life left me. We all know what happens when we cut off communication to the Lord.   At that time I was involved in a men’s accountability group that I actually co-led.  The problem was that I was not being honest with the brothers in the group. I was trying to stay pure for them instead of staying pure for the Lord

 This was the original Testimony I had written in 2002.  The next page has been added

How about the other part of my growing up.  The part where my mom and dad never told me they loved me. ( I am sure they did I just don’t remember)  I never seemed to be able to do what was expected of me.  I was a troublemaker.  I figured that since I couldn't get the positive attention I needed then I would do the negative stuff to get attention.   In the first grade I got sent to the office every day.   I went through high school but did not graduate. (So what)  I still went to college.  When I look back I can see where I received many wounds from my parents.  (They did not do it on purpose)  My dad was not around allot.  He had his own business and worked all the time.  Occasional we would do things together but not near enough.  My dad would always miss my track and swim meets at camp.  That hurt.  Only until just recently did I realize that I had a spirit of rejection on me.  Rejection from my parents was probably my biggest wound. 

       In June 05, I went on the Walk to Emmaus and that was all right.  It had its good points, like dying moments, the teachings and candlelight.  I really felt though that they put God in a box . (that is me though other people will view it differently .    It is still a great event though.  (We are all on the same side are we not?)  It is good for some people but Quest allowed me to get deeper than I ever thought I could.   (There are other ways to get deep with God besides Quest)   It is all in how the table is set.   www.Fellowshipofthesword.com puts on the Quest.  So in August I signed up for the September Quest.  Nothing had prepared me for what the Lord was going to show me on the QUEST.   So I went in September, 2005, 6 days with our Lord that changed my life forever.  What an encounter.

.  I went back as a staff member on the March Quest 06 and Father continues to move in my life.  You might say He peeled off another layer.  I now know what it is like to walk in complete obedience.  Walking in obedience is complete freedom.  Walking in obedience is listening to the Lord. The more you walk in obedience the easier it is to hear the Lord when He speaks to you.  I learned Radical obedience always precedes the miraculous.  When you walk in obedience you will have no FEAR, because what you have is the Lord's promises. .  The Truth.  We all know that the truth will set you FREE!!  I also realized that just because you’re saved doesn’t mean you are free and just because you have religion doesn’t mean you are saved.  Religion will not get you to Heaven but Jesus will

Went back as staff in June, 2006

OH MY GOSH!!!

The Lord showed up again.  This time he showed me something about me being in sexual addiction recovery that I did not know.  He showed me that when you break your arm it is broken.  When your arm is in a cast it is in recovery.  When the doctor cuts off the cast you are healed!  You are not still in recovery.  During the ministry time with the staff it was revealed to me that I have labeled myself as being in recovery from sexual addiction when in fact I have been in torment the last five years.  Jesus showed me that I am healed of sexual addiction and I know longer wear the label of a recovering sexual addict but a healed one.  So once again our great and wondrous God peeled off another layer.

       Went back again in August 2006 and November 2006

The rest of my salvation story happened in February 2007 on my way to Amarillo to install some windows at my brother’s house.  I was listening to an allegory called Affabell by John Bevere.  It absolutely rattled my cage.  I had been struggling ever since I got saved on January 1 2002 with the enemy telling me it was not real.  This day I pulled off the side of the road.  It was 20 degrees the wind blowing 30 mph and snowing.  I got out of my truck got into the bar ditch in my short sleeves and with my hands held high I made Jesus my Lord and I have not looked back.

 God is so faithful, one more layer peeled off.  I have since gone back and served four times a year ever since.  I know where the Lord wants me;   I am now a Men's Minister with Fellowship of the Sword.  I am in awe of how the Lord continues to work through me.  My wife went on her Heart Quest in Feb. 06 and is now a released women's minister with Fellowship of the Sword.    The Lord has used Fellowship of the Sword to save my life and to show me what a real man looks like........ Jesus with skin on.   There are so many things the Lord has shown me every time I go back. If you ever want to know I will share them with you on the phone or in person.

The Lord has restored me and he can restore you.  In March 2008 I got free from the death of my son; I personally feel that by going a Quest and being involved in the Ministry has saved my marriage.  He lifted my cocaine addiction on May 12^th 1988.  He kept me from death 4 times that I know of.  I have been living a lifestyle of sexual purity since May of 2001, and although I slipped a few times after that, Father has faithfully restored me every time.   I am porn free!  My worst day now as I walk with the Lord is better than my best day when I did not know Him!

One of my biggest breakthroughs came on June 22, 08.  Without going in to details because this is a long story.  My daughter is a prodigal.   The Lord showed me on this day to trust Him with her. 

There is more to this story, but the bottom line is that for the last two and a half years (2013) I have been struggling with unbelief and not trusting God.  With thinking that says ....... I can do a better job than You God.  That is all gone and I trust God with everything in my life including whatever happens with my daughter.  The last thing I want to say is for me,   The Quest is all about Jesus.

I will leave you with this.  Life is all about choices.  I asked the Lord one day “why do I continue to want to look at porn.  Why do I feel like I want to go back?”    I hear “Kevin, you are free you just choose to go back to your old ways.  I have given you all of the tools you need to be free,  you choose to not use them all.  The ball is in your court.

                       

Thanks and God Bless

Kevin Gwyn

2018

Fear of the Lord

But seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all things shall be added to you.

Matthew 6.33

 

This is where I need to be. It is all about priorites. Putting God first above all things.

 

Having a Fear of the Lord. Job 37. 24 says ............ all who are wise show Him reverence. I feel if you show Him reference then comes The Fear of the Lord.